Lately, I feel like I have been a lot like Eeyore. I feel like there
has been this storm cloud of bummers hanging over my head. There is this
cycle of complaining that I have going for me at the moment. I have a
long list of wants that I can't do anything about. The things I want
aren't bad things, but they are things I know I can't have right now. I
want our baby girl home, I want a house that fits our family a little
better, I want to meet our financial goals. But our adoption process
seems never ending. And we can't move until our daughter is home. We are
continuing to pursue our savings goals, but we have no idea what that
will look like when we add another child with potentially expensive
medical needs. I feel stuck and whiny. I hate whining, but I am still
doing it.
This week has been one of those weeks that
has made me rethink some of my struggles. There is a family in our
church who was in an accident and they lost their 3 year old. Rethink
how blessed I am to have the time I have with the children the Lord has
blessed me with right now. Last night we heard a friend who we served in
youth group with several years ago passed away. It was another sudden
and unexpected death. He was a husband and father to two little boys.
Rethink how blessed I am to have my husband here to provide for us and
father our boys. This morning I was chatting with a friend who lives in a
rougher neighborhood. Last night gunshots were fired into her yard.
Rethink this house I want out of so bad. It is safe and we are happy in
it.
It is hard in the midst of a long wait to see outside
of it sometimes. I am so blessed. I am blessed to have a husband I
adore. I have three happy and healthy boys. I have a messy, chaotic,
tiny, home that is filled with love, laughter, memories, and joy. I am
so looking forward to the day when the chaos increases. When my laundry
overflows not only with blue, but also with pink and purple. I beg God
for the time when I get to wake up a little early because I will
actually have to do one of my children's hair. Until then I will try to
keep a balance of longing for what God has in store and what God has for
me now. I will do my best to cherish today because tomorrow is not
guaranteed.
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