Sunday, August 21, 2011

9 months

We officially hit the nine month mark this past Friday. Hmm we could be in labor at this point. Or if we are counting from the beginning we could have a 5 month old. I know that isn't how this process works, but sometimes it is a perspective I can't help but think of.

Friday we took the boys to grab some Cheesecake and run around for a bit. Then we hopped over to the bookstore. We love the bookstore. I love a book. Even if I have very little time to read. Books are fun. When I was pregnant with Isaac I read everything I could get my hands on. "What to expect", "pregnancy sucks", magazines, any pamphlet the doctor sent home, you get the picture. There are no shortage of books on pregnancy. So for fun, I thought I'd see what ole Books and Co. had to offer on adoption. There were shelves and shelves on pregnancy, but only one single shelf on a case labeled adoption. And on that shelf only one book actually about adoption.  "Chicken soup for the adopted soul"...Really? This is it? Come on! I ran into this at other bookstores as well, but it was in the beginning of the process. Now this seems so much more offensive. 

It got me to thinking. I am so surrounded by adoption. I forget it isn't the norm. We are blessed to have so many friends who have adopted or are adopting. We have friends who may not feel personally called to adopt, but they love adoption. They are supportive of it. I forget that most adoption is not the majority.

I'm so thankful for all the people that surround us. It makes this journey a little lighter when you can share your load along the way. It is still hard though. The infant girl line at our agency is moving very slow. So slow that we haven't seen a girl referral since April and she was 16 months old. To say it is discouraging is an understatement. It is hard having no idea what a timeline looks like for when our baby girl will come home.

God is teaching me so much through it all though. I know that his timing is perfect. I know that we have peace that we are where we are supposed to be. God is teaching me to let go of some of my plans. I need to control my life with my plans and my timing. I realized I was viewing God as having the ability to interrupt my plans, but they were still MINE.  I love the verse Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD..."  God has HIS plans for me. I think I felt like he can take a look at my plans and tweak them as he likes. So amazing how much control I still try to have.

All along God has been working on patience with me. Honestly, God has been trying to beat patience into me for many years. I'm a work in progress. This whole time I have thought that was a huge thing God was trying to work on me with this wait. However, something God showed me is that some of this lesson is about anticipation. I am so anxious for our baby to come home. I am preparing for her. We are putting any extra money toward her. I pray for her. I yearn for her. I ache for her. I talk about her all the time. But, how often do I wait with such anticipation for the return of Jesus. I have never  met this child. I don't know what she looks like, who she is, or if she is even born, but her coming home is such an amazing thought to me. I can't be honest and say I put that much energy or excitement into my Lord, my Savior, my Jesus returning to bring home his bride. Yes, when I think about it I am, of course, overwhelmed with anticipation. But, it isn't in my thoughts nearly as much as it should be. Through the anticipation of bring home our daughter. God is teaching me to anticipate his son.

Please keep praying for Ethiopia. Pray for our agency America World. Please pray for us as we wait. Please pray for our daughter. Please pray for her birth family. Please pray for this process as it has been long and slow. Thank you so much for your prayers.