Monday, September 10, 2012

water breaking

I keep comparing our referral to labor. In some ways it is the adoptions version of it. I mean it is painful, long, and at the end you get a baby. I would say this stage of the wait is the third trimester stage. For me, the third trimester was not super fun. I was huge, uncomfortable, and willing to do any means necessary to get this kid out of me. I realized there was more pain to come. In fact the real pain hadn't begun. However, I was so done being pregnant I was happy to enter the next stage.

In so many ways that is where I am now. I am fully aware the next phase will be increasingly more agonizing. I have no real way of knowing what to expect. But I am in the hugely impatient, can it be over, I am super uncomfortable phase. All I know at this moment is I am ready to move forward.

One thing I remember about being in the last few weeks was the fear of my water breaking in public. I didn't want to be at a friend's house and make a mess. I didn't want to be driving and have no idea where to stop. I didn't want to have a movie moment in the grocery store. Enter my controlling nature. I want this, but I want it only this way. I find myself there once again with the referral call. I want it, but I want it at home. I know that when it happens that I will turn into a ball of sobbing mush. I really don't need the world to see my ugly laugh cry thing I do when I 'm so happy I cry. Trust me folks it isn't pretty. Neither is pride though. Obviously, I have a little bit of a struggle with that... I want my referral so bad, but I want it on my time and my scenario. Ah, how silly I can be. I guess I will keep waiting and be surprised for my moment to turn to mush. We shall see what God has planned for our story.