20 weeks

Today is the 20 week mark for being number one. Who knew. I remember like it was yesterday when we found out we were number one. My stomach was in knots. It was all of a sudden real. This thing we had been waiting for was finally going to happen. That was in June. Now it is November and in some ways I feel further away than when we started this whole thing.

God is good. I know He has a plan. I know it is a good plan. I know it is all in His timing. I know that none of this surprises Him. So, I try to just breathe. I try hard to just live. I try to pray and hope and believe.

I am working to find the balance in the wait. The balance between avoiding and obsession. The balance between excitement and fear. The balance between living and longing. The balance between surrender and hope. I fight back tears most days. Once they start it is hard to stop. I want to dream about my baby girl, but I am a little scared because what if none of those dreams work out.

This wait is painful. It is a good pain. I have learned lots. I am still learning lots. I am so blessed. God had protected me from so much. It is good for me to wait. It is good for me to learn to give up all control. It is good for me to have to surrender my plans.

At this point there seems to be no timeline. My heart hurts for those who are below us on the list. Their wait will be even longer unless something drastically changes. The time frame right now is 18-30 months. It was 7-11 for an infant girl when we started. This wait has been unexpected. It has been long, but God knows what was needed. He knows who my daughter is. He knows her personality. He knows her favorite color. He knows every hair on her gorgeous little head. He knows how much this momma loves her. And He loves her even more. She will be worth the wait.

So for now we are praying. We are praying for Ethiopia. We are praying for clearances so these orphans can go home. We are praying for the staff who are caring for our baby. We are praying for others in the program because we are not the only ones waiting. We are praying for the staff at our agency.  We are praying for our daughter that she is safe, warm, has food, and is being loved on until we get her here in our arms. We pray for our family for peace and patience during the wait. We pray we see her face soon, and get to hold her in her arms soon. Most of all we pray God's will be done.