Monday, October 1, 2012

DEADlines

Well, we will have been number one for 14 weeks on Wednesday. We had a conference call last week. They told us not to anticipate any court dates until November or  December. This was hard to hear. Our hope has been that she would be home by Christmas. At this point we may not even meet our daughter by then. So I am doing my best to rearrange my mental time line...again. I think I have decided to try to stop with hopeful deadlines. We have had lots of small goals or hopeful time lines. Each one came and went with a crushing emotional punch in the stomach.

It isn't that I have lost hope. I am still trusting God will bring her home...someday. I just have to let go of any idea of timing. This is extremely hard for me. I have no idea what to answer when asked when she is coming home. The truth is we have NO idea. It could be early next year or late next year or in two years. We really really don't know. I think for now at least I am trying to stop guessing.

The hard part is living in the not knowing. Our kids are getting bigger. We are getting older. Is this God closing the door on anymore kids after our baby girl? Our house is getting tighter. Thankfully we have boys because our bathroom space is very limited. Our storage is gone. We can't move until this process has ended. That is very hard. All our boys are close in age. This gap seems so big between our youngest two and it is only getting bigger as time goes on. The tax credit we had hoped for to help with the adoption costs may not be available by the time we bring her home. If we have to travel near Christmas plane tickets are much more costly. All things that seem like hurdles. I know God is in control and he has a plan. I just can't really see where it is going at this point.

So that is where we are at. It isn't very much info, but it is what we have. Courts do open back up today. So we are hoping that it isn't too much longer before we see our girl's face. It sounds like paperwork is taking even longer again. We are praying that clearances come through for lots of babies. There are a lot of families waiting for their babies. We know God has a heart for the orphans and he loves them.

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