Wednesday, December 14, 2011


Here we are at another Christmas time. I love Christmas. I love decorating, baking, having parties. I love buying presents and watching the face of the recipient when you got the "right" thing. I love the smells, the lights, the music. I love it all. I get so excited for this time of year.

This year I am full of such joy. I have been so down lately. I have just felt like a chunk of our family is missing. I feel like this is a journey that is lasting forever. I think I had a time line in my head and now we are so far past it I can't even picture an end. I have been stretched these past few months. However, in this season I am so overwhelmed with joy of Christ's birth I feel somehow less desperate. Don't get me wrong. My deep desire for my baby is still as strong as ever. I am just so thankful for this season. We have been doing a Jesse tree this year as a family to celebrate advent. I love the chance each day to read God's word to my boys and think about what Christmas is all about.

There is a version of the Christmas carol Joy to the World that sings "Joy, unspeakable Joy. An overflowing well that none can tell." I love the song. When it comes on the radio I scream it as loud as I can. I can't explain it, but I am so thankful that Christ still can fill my heart with joy. Even in the midst of my desperate longing and sadness because I miss our little girl so much. God is SO GOOD! I feel so confident that this is where we are supposed to be. We are asked constantly if we have changed our plans. With all the delays going on will we try to get pregnant or give up on the whole adoption thing. Trust me we have had that conversation. But that isn't where we are supposed to be. We are supposed to wait for our daughter. She is worth waiting for.

Today for our reading we read in Isaiah 9:6-7
For to us a child is born,
   to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
   and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace
    there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
   to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
   from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this.

This is Isaiah, not even in the New Testament. We are talking a REALLY long wait for a baby. However, God had perfect timing as always. Jesus was born long after this passage was written, and He was born at the perfect time and place.

So, we continue to wait for our baby. We continue to miss her, cry for her, long for her. We continue to plan for her, save for her, and pray for her. But we know God has a perfect plan. This is part of it. It will be a story we will tell her about. For now I am so thankful for Christmas and the hope it is renewing in me.