I wake up most mornings with exactly the same thoughts. "Please let today be the day." I go to bed with pretty much the same requests being sent up. If this is what was meant by "pray continually" then I feel like I am starting to get it.
5:40am Alarm goes off. I turn it off and roll over. First I think I want to go back to sleep. Then I ask God that today is the day the phone will ring and we will see our baby's face.
6:00 Finally decide to get up. Get dressed and look at my phone with pretty much an identical prayer. I may or may not lay hands on said phone and ask with a pretty please.
7:30 serve breakfast to my kiddos. Sit down with some cereal and yahoo group check. Lots of court dates. (Praise the LORD for He is good!) Facebook stalk the adoption page. Check Email for anything adoption related.
8:00 Work day has started. From this moment we could get a call today. Pray a little more for our babe. This time pray that she is healthy. That some one is holding her and loving her. Pray she isn't hungry.
10:00 Levi comes to me and asks for a snack. Usually I ask him to wait. I am after busy...checking the yahoo group, facebook, email, etc.
12:00 Lunch time and rest time. I reason that we won't get a call during lunch hour so I let my guard down. Eat something. Relax. Breathe.
2:00 The heat is on! Most people have gotten calls in the afternoon so this is prime time for a referral call. I do not go anywhere without my phone in reach. I try to distract myself with a show, chores, talking to friends on the phone. Keeping my mind busy keeps me from dwelling too much.
4:00 Deep sad sigh as I realize the probability of a phone call at this point is pretty much gone. The way I figure the work day ends at 5. I'm not sure if one hour would give them enough time to tie up all that needs done.
5:00 The work day is over and we won't get a call that day. Some days I am relieved to breathe. I may go take a shower since I don't do that during prime working hours most days. 5pm on a Friday is usually about time for a good cry. I usually just get a few minutes of tears. Ask God for a referral for next week and try to perk up.
At bedtime I find myself not being able to sleep as I repeat the same prayer over and over again. "Please, God, please let us get the call tomorrow. I know your timing is perfect. I know you have this all planned out, but please, God, if it is your timing let us see our baby girl's face tomorrow. "
Truth be told, I'm not sure exactly how to pray. I want to be patient. I want to trust God's timing, but I also really want a referral...yesterday. So, I guess I just ask and wait. I try to remember that the wait after I see her face could be 10 times harder since I can't yet touch her. Then once I get to hold her the wait to bring her home could be even more excruciating. I know God knows all the details. I trust he is working all things together for good. But I wait excitedly for that call until then.
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