I love to sing worship songs. It is my favorite part of gathering as the body of Christ. It is beautiful to see God's children all singing out his praises. To me it is a simple glimpse of Heaven. We went to our church service Saturday evening. As I sang along to the songs I was overwhelmed.
We sang songs about what Christ did on the cross for us. When I think about the cross I am flooded with emotion. Joy because of what it means for me. Because of the cross I am forgiven, loved, and adopted. But also gratitude because of what it meant for Jesus. He endured the most horrendous death so I don't have to. The magnitude of that is beyond my comprehension. The longer I am a follower of Jesus the more the beauty of the cross sinks in. The truth that God's only son came to earth to show us how to live, and then died so we can live eternally. That never ever gets old.
The last song we sang is one I really love. However, one of the lines says "Here we stand our hearts are yours not our will but yours be done." It is repeated several times. The impact of that line is so much harder right now than it has ever been. I am so ready for my girl to just be home. I don't understand the hold ups and the errors that are keeping her from our family. I don't understand the timing of all of this. But I do believe God is sovereign. I do believe He has already given me more than I deserve. I do believe He has a good plan for our family.
If I truly believe in what Christ's sacrifice on the cross means to me then I must let go of my own control. I have to be willing to say "not my will, but yours be done", and really mean it or I am putting my will above Christ's grace on the cross in my life. The hard reality is that even if Amelia never comes home (which we believe she will soon), God has already shown me so much more grace than I could imagine or could ever deserve. I am thankful to be his child. Even when I don't understand his timing.