2 Months!

We have been waiting for 2 months as of today! The wait time right now for an infant girl is still 7-11 months. I have been so encouraged lately by several of our friends who are in process or who have brought their children home. This wait seems so long, and there are no exacts. It is such a growing process for me.

Monday night I was feeling very discouraged. I was sitting filling out paper work for grants. First my mind went to funding. HOW ARE WE EVER GOING TO PAY FOR THIS? When we started this journey I sat down with my friend the calculator. I figured if we save x amount, Dan should get X amount for his bonus, I can do X amount in extras to bring in money. But my plans are human plans. Bonuses were record low this year, something major has come up each month keeping us from saving the full amount planned, and my extra money making is not consistent.

I remember talking to a friend right after we had started all of this. We were discussing the cost and she said something that just rings so true. I told her the adoption cost and her response was "That's awesome. because you know you can't do it. Only God can fund that!" That has been some of the best truth. I tell myself that constantly.

So back to Monday, I was already a little frazzled and lies were beginning to creep in. As I am filling out a application there are several questions about attachment and how we plan to handle this. Again more lies start flooding in and fear starts to creep in. I decided to take a break and head over to the Yahoo group for our agency. Some one was asking about hair products. By this point I am already an internal mess. I start thinking about hair. What am I going to do with this girl's hair?! I can hardly braid my own hair. This is a mess.

God is good and he gave me a husband who is sane. (Praise the Lord, one of us needs to be) So he told me it was time for bed and we shut down for the night. The next morning I ran into a friend at the store who is also in process for a little girl from Ethiopia. Their wait has been so much longer than anticipated (they are with another agency). It was so good just to get her perspective that the wait is long, but when our girls are home it just won't matter any more.

In filling out the application we realized God has provided over $11,000 already. The realization came to me that I am just like the children of Israel in the desert. God continues to provide over and over and yet I am still not putting all my faith in him. Shame on me. God has made it clear it is his plan for us to grow our family through adoption. He LOVES adoption. Of course he will provide. Yes, our daughter may take time to adjust, but there is no need for fear God has this under control. And the hair thing, seriously, I am ridiculous!

So, there is my brain purge for the evening. All said and done. God is faithful, He is good, He loves us and cares for us. And some day that will sink in to my thick skull and STAY there. I love that God is using this process not just as a time to wait, but as a time to refine me. He is teaching me so much right now. GOD IS GOOD.