Christmas

Here we are at another Christmas time. I love Christmas. I love decorating, baking, having parties. I love buying presents and watching the face of the recipient when you got the "right" thing. I love the smells, the lights, the music. I love it all. I get so excited for this time of year.

This year I am full of such joy. I have been so down lately. I have just felt like a chunk of our family is missing. I feel like this is a journey that is lasting forever. I think I had a time line in my head and now we are so far past it I can't even picture an end. I have been stretched these past few months. However, in this season I am so overwhelmed with joy of Christ's birth I feel somehow less desperate. Don't get me wrong. My deep desire for my baby is still as strong as ever. I am just so thankful for this season. We have been doing a Jesse tree this year as a family to celebrate advent. I love the chance each day to read God's word to my boys and think about what Christmas is all about.

There is a version of the Christmas carol Joy to the World that sings "Joy, unspeakable Joy. An overflowing well that none can tell." I love the song. When it comes on the radio I scream it as loud as I can. I can't explain it, but I am so thankful that Christ still can fill my heart with joy. Even in the midst of my desperate longing and sadness because I miss our little girl so much. God is SO GOOD! I feel so confident that this is where we are supposed to be. We are asked constantly if we have changed our plans. With all the delays going on will we try to get pregnant or give up on the whole adoption thing. Trust me we have had that conversation. But that isn't where we are supposed to be. We are supposed to wait for our daughter. She is worth waiting for.

Today for our reading we read in Isaiah 9:6-7
For to us a child is born,
   to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
   and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace
    there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
   to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
   from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this.

This is Isaiah, not even in the New Testament. We are talking a REALLY long wait for a baby. However, God had perfect timing as always. Jesus was born long after this passage was written, and He was born at the perfect time and place.

So, we continue to wait for our baby. We continue to miss her, cry for her, long for her. We continue to plan for her, save for her, and pray for her. But we know God has a perfect plan. This is part of it. It will be a story we will tell her about. For now I am so thankful for Christmas and the hope it is renewing in me. 

Being still

I know it has been awhile since I last posted. I am finding that there is little to update. We will reach our 1 year mark of waiting this week. I was really struggling with that. Because when we started the wait time was 7-11 months and many people were flying threw in much less time than that.

The wait time now is 11-18 months. The wait is painful, but I know there is a reason. There was a girl referral this past week. I find that any movement keeps me going. It usually lasts about a week or two and then I'm back to pitiful.

I was talking with a close friend about a week ago. I was just pouring out my heart and how I felt so stuck. I feel like with no movement in the adoption I don't know what to do next. We have no major event going on. Nothing to put a bunch of energy into. Nothing to plan. Nothing to prepare for. At least, that is how it feels sometimes. My friend stopped me and reminded me of Psalm 46:10 "Be STILL and know that I am God." Ah, wisdom.

There is just something so hard for me about being still, but it is where God wants me. Not that life here with 3 crazy little boys doesn't keep me moving. We are not typically very physically still. Yet, in the stillness of the adoption process right now I must remember who is God. Today when I opened my Bible to my devotions this was the verse that awaited me. I think that God may be trying to teach me something through this verse I have heard so many times.

10 Months

Today is special for a few reasons. The first is that we have reached the 10 month mark. I honestly thought our baby girl would be home by  now...but she isn't. She isn't even close. She may not even be born.

Today is also special because it is Asher's birthday! He is four years old today. He is growing up so fast. How crazy that he was only 2 when we started this whole process. I'm so proud of the little man he is becoming.

Adoption in some ways seems like a far away fairy tale. I know she will come home, but most days it doesn't feel like it. We have her bed and bedding. We have her clothes. We even have her name, but we just don't have her. Again, I don't want to complain, but we do miss her.

So, happy Birthday to Asher and Happy 10 month mark to our journey. 

9 months

We officially hit the nine month mark this past Friday. Hmm we could be in labor at this point. Or if we are counting from the beginning we could have a 5 month old. I know that isn't how this process works, but sometimes it is a perspective I can't help but think of.

Friday we took the boys to grab some Cheesecake and run around for a bit. Then we hopped over to the bookstore. We love the bookstore. I love a book. Even if I have very little time to read. Books are fun. When I was pregnant with Isaac I read everything I could get my hands on. "What to expect", "pregnancy sucks", magazines, any pamphlet the doctor sent home, you get the picture. There are no shortage of books on pregnancy. So for fun, I thought I'd see what ole Books and Co. had to offer on adoption. There were shelves and shelves on pregnancy, but only one single shelf on a case labeled adoption. And on that shelf only one book actually about adoption.  "Chicken soup for the adopted soul"...Really? This is it? Come on! I ran into this at other bookstores as well, but it was in the beginning of the process. Now this seems so much more offensive. 

It got me to thinking. I am so surrounded by adoption. I forget it isn't the norm. We are blessed to have so many friends who have adopted or are adopting. We have friends who may not feel personally called to adopt, but they love adoption. They are supportive of it. I forget that most adoption is not the majority.

I'm so thankful for all the people that surround us. It makes this journey a little lighter when you can share your load along the way. It is still hard though. The infant girl line at our agency is moving very slow. So slow that we haven't seen a girl referral since April and she was 16 months old. To say it is discouraging is an understatement. It is hard having no idea what a timeline looks like for when our baby girl will come home.

God is teaching me so much through it all though. I know that his timing is perfect. I know that we have peace that we are where we are supposed to be. God is teaching me to let go of some of my plans. I need to control my life with my plans and my timing. I realized I was viewing God as having the ability to interrupt my plans, but they were still MINE.  I love the verse Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD..."  God has HIS plans for me. I think I felt like he can take a look at my plans and tweak them as he likes. So amazing how much control I still try to have.


All along God has been working on patience with me. Honestly, God has been trying to beat patience into me for many years. I'm a work in progress. This whole time I have thought that was a huge thing God was trying to work on me with this wait. However, something God showed me is that some of this lesson is about anticipation. I am so anxious for our baby to come home. I am preparing for her. We are putting any extra money toward her. I pray for her. I yearn for her. I ache for her. I talk about her all the time. But, how often do I wait with such anticipation for the return of Jesus. I have never  met this child. I don't know what she looks like, who she is, or if she is even born, but her coming home is such an amazing thought to me. I can't be honest and say I put that much energy or excitement into my Lord, my Savior, my Jesus returning to bring home his bride. Yes, when I think about it I am, of course, overwhelmed with anticipation. But, it isn't in my thoughts nearly as much as it should be. Through the anticipation of bring home our daughter. God is teaching me to anticipate his son.


Please keep praying for Ethiopia. Pray for our agency America World. Please pray for us as we wait. Please pray for our daughter. Please pray for her birth family. Please pray for this process as it has been long and slow. Thank you so much for your prayers.

Keep waiting

We just received an email from our family coordinator at AWAA.  We figured it was coming, but we got the official word today that wait times have been moved up to 11-18 months. We will be at 8 months this month on the 19th. Looks as though we will keep waiting on our little girl.

The good news is that MOWCYA is officially processing 15 letters a day now. That is up from the 5 a day that was set a few months ago. We are coming up on court closures very soon. Due to the rainy season Ethiopia closes it's courts for about 2 months. This will hopefully give the other offices time to get caught up. We are still hopefully we will receive our referral this year. Starting in January some of our paperwork will need to start being renewed. This is turning into quite the journey.

At the end of the day. God is good. God has perfect timing and He has the perfect little girl for our family.

How many kids do you have?

I get this question a lot. "So, how many kids do you have?" You wouldn't think that my answer would take a whole paragraph to explain. However, in my case it does. I already feel like we are a family of six. I forget I only have 3 children legally.  I should have 4.

Even though our family pictures only show 3 little boys there is this SUPER SPECIAL little girl missing. I know she will be in them eventually, but in some ways it feels like forever. I know once she is here the wait will be just a memory, but while we are in it I'm anxious for it to be over. I am so excited to have her here. I know there will be mountains to climb once she is here. I get that. But we have 4 kids not just 3. I am constantly counting heads and feeling like I am one short. I'm sure this makes no sense, but I just feel like our family is missing some one.

7 months

As usual this is a few days late. As of Sunday we have been waiting 7 months. That is officially the range our agency gave us when we started when we started as the "referral range". Most referrals happen within 7-11 months. However, at this point, with the situation in Ethiopia there is a good chance we will be waiting longer than that.

We are very anxious and excited to meet our baby girl. There is a big empty baby girl shaped hole in our family. God is very much stretching us. He is teaching me not only to wait, but to depend on him while I do so. Today we have a conference call. I'm praying they will have good news for us. We have to stay hopeful.

We are so thankful for your continued prayers. Please pray for the Ethiopian government. Pray that there are significant changes in the process that help more orphans find their forever families. Pray for our baby girl. And please pray for our family as we miss her so.